My visit with the doctor last week provided some good news and some undetermined news. I choose to focus on the good news that my tumor did shrink and the PET scan shows no evidence of lymph node involvement now. This information is definitely cause for celebration and I am very pleased. The unexpected news that we got last Tuesday was that there is an area in the mediastinum (the area between the lungs) that is now showing hypermetabolic activity on a PET scan. Due to this activity, I had to have an additional CT scan of the chest. I am having an outpatient procedure tomorrow, June 16th to determine what this activity in my chest is and what the next step will be. The procedure will be done by a gastroenterologist and is a trans-esophageal ultrasound with a biopsy. I am told that it is pretty routine and I should be out of the hospital in about 4 hours.
Thank you for your continued support through positive thoughts and prayers. The power of prayer is amazing and I feel comforted by it and positive energy.
The past several days have left me anxious and uncertain but I am blessed in a lot of ways and need to remind myself that I only need to take things day by day or hour by hour.
To occupy my thoughts and keep me as positive as possible, I spent the past few days surrounded by family doing the things that I love: shopping the farmers market, visiting the botanical gardens, taking in my nephew's baseball game, playing with my niece and nephews, and being with family, friends and people that I've met since my diagnosis for the Cancer Survivor's Day at the Children's Zoo.
We shared some tender moments and had a lot of fun watching the kids play together-all of it was good medicine.
I am going to prepare for tomorrow by getting in a good state of mind and thinking positive thoughts. Yoga has been great for relaxation, so I will do that tonight before bed. Ryan has a business trip tomorrow and will be out of town for the next 3 days. This, of course was planned a long time ago and he is troubled by not being here for tomorrow's procedure. I am in good hands and have a few good people caring for me and helping me. We will enjoy this evening together and this whole thing will be done and over before we know it.
Sometimes events in life are too big for you to handle and you have to trust that God will take care of things. I am comforted by this in these uncertain times. 2009 has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I see that there is a purpose to all of this chaos. I would not call cancer a "gift" as you may have heard people say it is but I will say that I appreciate what it has done for me as far as awakening my soul. As another survivor I know and admire said: "If cancer is a gift, then you cannot come to my party!" We agree that nothing that causes so much fear, anxiety, pain, discomfort and disruption should ever be called a gift but that it does bring to light the bigger life issues and reminds you that there is purpose.
So, with my mind clear of anxiety, my soul awakened, my yoga techniques ready, my stomach empty, and my body prepared, I am ready for the procedure tomorrow. I will pray for strength, courage and healing and trust that God will take care of things.