Moving On

I have completed 6 rounds of chemotherapy and am ready to move forward with surgery- tentatively scheduled for the end of June. Surgery will be followed by radiation. I will know more when I have a repeat PET scan next week and a visit with the surgeon. The last chemo was pretty unforgiving. I have been sick constantly since last Tuesday but am optimistic that I will not need any more chemo. Those toxins build in your body and there is a point where your body says NO MORE! Ryan commented one evening that my breath smelled like poison. How attractive! I have been spending my days reading and laying on the hammock enjoying beautiful spring weather and trying to keep a positive outlook. I struggle with low hemoglobin so I do not have any energy. The Neulasta shot they gave me after chemo to boost my white blood cells has left me with fevers every evening. Being so ill this past week really affected my attitude and I struggled with some dark days and nights. The final chemo session brought a sense of relief but also for some reason some trepidation and uncertainty of what lies ahead. My only focus for the past few months was just taking it day by day and getting through the next chemo. That has changed now to worries about the uncertainty that every person living with cancer has of the disease returning. I have made friends at my LifeSpring class and have shared survivor stories with them while we exercise. It is unbelievable how many people are affected by cancer. It seems every time you talk to someone, they comment how they have a friend or relative going through the same thing. I have met so many survivors that are a great inspiration to me.
My family surprised me by being at my last chemo session to show support with posters that Max, Mia and Will made. Chris, Deb and Garrett were in town for the weekend and they stayed an extra day ( a total surprise to me as we said our goodbyes the night before!) to show their love and support. The kids gave me flowers and lots of tears were shed. It was the most beautiful and touching thing that anyone has done for me! I was totally surprised and it was so uplifting to have them there. All of the nurses at the cancer center commented on how neat it was to see my family there for me. I am grateful for each and every person who has supported me!
The events that I will be enjoying the next several weeks that are not related to my treatment include: Ryan's mom's retirement party and a visit with his brother Chris, his wife Kim and their 5 year old daughter Logan; a camping/kayaking trip to the sandhills when I am healed from surgery; spending lots of time with my niece and nephews and family; a possible trip to D.C. to accompany Ryan on a business trip; and just taking in each day with the attitude that every day is a gift to be thankful for.